Raising Resilient Children

What is the mind? What can we do to help kids develop a resilient mindset when facing life’s challenges?

These perplexing and provocative questions were just two of many raised and discussed at the most recent event in our annual Ideas@TheWillows speaker series, led by acclaimed UCLA professor and Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute Dan Siegel.

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One of the things that I truly value about working at The Willows is our community’s willingness to engage in a thoughtful exchange of ideas with extraordinary people like Dr. Siegel. I first became aware of his work in my early years of fatherhood, when my wife and I read his book The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Later, I became aware of his efforts to introduce mindfulness into schools through his Mindsight Institute’s MindUp curriculum that we’ve used parts of with middle school students at our school.

In his wide-ranging and lively talk, Dr. Siegel shared findings from research about resiliency, which he linked generally to the concept of integration in brain research. Adults and children who are adept at integrating the various systems of the brain in a harmonious manner are better suited to facing life’s challenges without becoming overwhelmed or disconnected. To illustrate this at one point in his talk, Siegel asked for volunteers – specifically, people who sing in choirs (including our Director of Library Services Cathy Leverkus) – to come on to the stage with him. He gave his singers various directions to demonstrate the results of an integrated brain (harmony, where different singers worked together towards a common goal) versus a non-integrated brain (chaos, where different singers covered their ears and only sang their own song). E_17_Speaker_Dan_Siegel040

Besides sharing essential brain research for everyone to ponder, Siegel also underscored several helpful takeaways specifically for parents in attendance. According to Siegel, the most powerful finding from parenting research that many are not aware of is the need for parents to make sense of their own lives first – in his words, “It doesn’t matter what happened to you, it’s how you make sense of it.” If we neglect to engage in this process of looking inward and examining our lives, we run the risk of sending mixed messages to our children as we direct them to make good choices in their lives.

Additionally, he mentioned several times the importance of parental presence. I have found myself repeating one line from his talk several times on this subject:

The more present you are, the more you are willing to learn about who your children are versus who you want them to be.

In Siegel’s view, modern parents’ preoccupation with a future destination for their children often leads them to send messages that provoke shame, which he defined as the opposite of resilience, as well as encouraging children to compete with each other instead of “competing with the world’s problems.”

Afterwards, I debriefed with my colleague Andrea, who is part of a team of teachers at The Willows working to implement and strengthen our school’s RULER emotional intelligence program from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. One connection she made between his message and our school’s work with mindfulness and emotional intelligence was Siegel’s emphasis on the need to look inward, to be aware of this inner world that we all need to connect to in order to recognize and regulate the energy associated with our emotions. Clearly, this message applies for adults and students alike in our community.

One final note: Siegel did give an answer to our initial question above – “What is the mind?” – which I have to share (I would recommend reading one of his many books on the subjects of mind for a detailed explanation:)

The mind is the embodied and relational self-organizing process that regulates informational flow between ourselves and others and the planet.

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Lisa Rosenstein, Head of School, Dr. Dan Siegel, and Christina Kim, Director of Student Life

News Literacy: Recognizing Fake News and Choosing Reliable Sources

Misinformation and fake news have become the clarion call in these politically charged times, but this is not a new topic. Journalists have been writing pieces from one point-of-view or creating a bias in a particular story to increase readership and ratings for as long as there has been news in print. Thomas Jefferson was credited as the first politician in the U.S. to use muckraking as a political tool, this method of discrediting your opponent has resurfaced lately. So, it is important that we give students the tools to cull through the information available online and in print to find reliable sources.

During a Willows faculty meeting in January, I spoke to the faculty about the proliferation of fake news and offered them some news literacy tools that they could share with the students.

The Washington Post and Reuters posted an article about Canadians heading to the Women’s March in the U.S. that were stopped by U.S. border patrol guards and told to turn back. Each article included an interview of one person (Sasha Dyck), who described the experience. It was the same person interviewed in the two newspapers. So, I wondered, “Why is there only one person being interviewed? Did one news source write the article and the other source copy the information? Was there only one person turned away at the border, or were more people turned away? Can I find more information in other articles?”

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I searched for other articles about Canadians being stopped at the U.S. border because they wanted to attend the Women’s March, and found Joe Kroese, and Joseph Decunha were also turned away according to a BBC News article. Finally, I looked on the fact-checking site Snopes.com to see if there was any information about this incident. Snopes.com had an article about the incident that listed four people who had been turned away at the same border crossing. Was there one overzealous border guard on duty?

These are the steps I used to check the authenticity of my source:

  1. Focus on finding good resources (The Washington Post and Reuters are good resources)
  2. Form questions about the information in the resources
  3. Look up other resources to determine the validity of the original source
  4. Use a fact-checking site to evaluate the information

Fact Checking Sites

Fact Check.Org: A Project of the Annenberg Public Policy Center

Fact-Checking – Duke Reporters’ Lab Duke University’s database of global fact checking sites

Snopes.Com The definitive Internet reference source for urban legends, folklore, myths, rumors, and misinformation

Resources:
Dyck, Sasha. “Sasha Dyck, Second from Left, Who Said He Was Was Turned Away at U.S. Border on Thursday, Instead, He Participated in Women’s March in Montreal with Family and Friends.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 21 Jan. 2017, http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/canadian-traveling-to-womens-march-said-he-was-turned-away-at-the-us-border/2017/01/21/79e4b4ee-dff9-11e6-918c-99ede3c8cafa_story.html?utm_term=.17b93dc46a69. Accessed 2 Mar. 2017.

Erickson, Amanda. “U.S. Border Agents Turned Away Canadians Hoping to Come to the Women’s March.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 21 Jan. 2017, http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/01/21/u-s-border-agents-turned-away-canadians-hoping-to-come-to-the-womens-march/?utm_term=.592322079c09. Accessed 3 Mar. 2017.

Mann, Helen. “’We Didn’t Have Anything to Hide’: Canadian Heading to Women’s March Refused Entry to U.S.” CBCnews, CBC/Radio Canada, 22 Jan. 2017, http://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-friday-edition-1.3944955/we-didn-t-have-anything-to-hide-canadian-heading-to-women-s-march-refused-entry-to-u-s-1.3944962. Accessed 3 Mar. 2017.

Palma, Bethania. “Canadians Reportedly Turned Away from U.S. Border on Inauguration Day.” Snopes.com, Snopes, 25 Jan. 2017, http://www.snopes.com/2017/01/24/canadians-border-inauguration-day/. Accessed 3 Mar. 2017.

“Protesters from Canada, UK, ‘Turned Away at US Border’.” BBC News, BBC, 21 Jan. 2017, http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38694437. Accessed 3 Mar. 2017.

Sharp, Alastair. “Canadians Traveling to Inauguration Turned Away at U.S. Border.” Reuters, Thomson Reuters, 20 Jan. 2017, http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-inauguration-canada-idUSKBN1542UD. Accessed 3 Mar. 2017.

The Power of Trust

I was listening recently to a podcast from Tara Brach, a psychologist and meditation teacher, and she began by revisiting a famous quote from Albert Einstein:

 I think the most important question facing humanity is, ‘Is the universe a friendly place?’ This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves.

If we consider the universe to be unfriendly, he posits, we will direct all of our effort and scientific resources towards building defense systems to protect us from all that seeks to harm us. Perhaps we consider the universe to be neutral, devoid of purpose or meaning, neither friendly nor unfriendly – hence Einstein’s well-known description of a randomized cosmic order (“God playing dice with the universe”).

However, if we decide that the universe is inherently friendly – that is, if we trust that there is some underlying order and goodness to the systems around us, then we may actually feel empowered to try to understand our universe. Power and safety is a result of our efforts not to protect ourselves by building up walls but instead to trust and connect with others, working to understand the world around us.

These ideas reminded me of a recent TED talk led by Marc Slors entitled “Cultivating Trust,” which our faculty watched as part of our Learning Lunch series held each month at The Willows.

Slors acknowledges that while trust involves making ourselves vulnerable to others and all kinds of potential disappointments and calamities, it is also a vital component of successful human communities. In any workplace, people need to be able to trust others in order to focus their cognitive abilities on the work they are responsible for – as a teacher, I trust that our facilities manager keeps our campus safe so that I can devote my time to understanding how best to help students learn. Slors argues that trusting gives us the freedom to be present with the work at hand, as opposed to worrying about all that could possibly go wrong throughout our day.

From this point of view, trusting is ultimately an act of empowerment. Consider various relationships that exist within our school community. Parents trust teachers and the leadership at the school to provide the right conditions for learning to take place. They trust that we will teach the whole child, that teachers will strive to see their child and hear their interests and needs. They trust that they have a partner with open lines of communication. Though they make themselves vulnerable by sharing their children with us each day, by putting trust in us we are able to build stronger partnerships that support students; we feel empowered to join forces together.orig_photo391775_3846309

Also, teachers at the Willows trust their students. In my maker class, I trust that (under my supervision) students will capably utilize a wide variety of tools that could prove harmful if used carelessly – hot glue guns, hand saws, soldering irons, even the internet! Teachers at our school trust that students are competent and capable of taking on problems put before them, or, even better, problems that they come up with on their own. Willows students are not passive learners waiting to be spoon-fed information but in fact feel empowered to construct meaning and think deeply alongside teachers who are guiding the way.

One message we also try to consistently deliver from Developmental Kindergarten to eighth grade is that students need to trust themselves. Children need to feel confident to take risks and potentially make mistakes in order to develop into the kinds of learners described above. Trust in oneself surely instills power, in school and beyond.

Unplug and Just Talk!

Technology has changed our world and our lives. The benefits are endless. It even assists with revolutions and, of course, in any crisis.  Just witness the recent terrorist attacks in Paris where Parisians launched the hashtag on Twitter, #PorteOuvert (DoorOpen) to offer shelter to those in need, who could simply follow the tweets on their cell phones to find refuge. Smart phones, laptops, iPads, all these devices and the always present, turned-on, mobile connectivity unite us and isolate us presenting social challenges–especially for our younger children, who are growing up with the ever-present, ever-tempting cellphone connection.

Informate, a mobile measurement firm, in March 2015 reported that during January 2015, Americans spent 4.9 hours per day on their smartphones and sent an average of 32 texts per day. Teens are thought to spend more than the average time. The 2015 Pew Research Center Study said that, “89 percent of cellphone owners said they had used their phones during the last social gathering they attended.”

In a recent New York Times article entitled Stop Googling, Let’s Talk  by Sherry Turkle, author of  Reclaiming Conversation ReclaimingConversation_3dand Alone Together, Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, writes, “What has happened to face-to-face conversation in a world where so many people say they would rather text than talk? . . . Studies of conversation both in the laboratory and in natural settings show that when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel. People keep the conversation on topics where they won’t mind being interrupted. They don’t feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us.”

Turkle continues with the idea that this disconnection is an assault on empathy, intimacy, and deep conversations, as well as solitude.

Ann Levit, a Willows parent, asked her daughter, Joby Levit, a current eighth grade student, to read Ms. Turkle’s article and write down her reflections regarding it. Joby wrote this thoughtful essay in response:

Joby Levit
Joby Levit

          The report “Stop Googling. Let’s Talk.” written by Sherry Turkle is about how my generation of pre-teens, teenagers, and even some adults’ social skills are stifled by electronics and social media.  I wish I could disagree with that and say it’s not true, but I have to be honest with myself: this writer is 100% correct. I try to tell myself that I shouldn’t be on my phone, but now it’s just a bad habit, like biting your nails or forgetting to brush your teeth.

            In this article, Sherry Turkle talks about the technicalities, logic, and science behind the reason people use their phones while at, for instance, the dinner table. Look, I’m only thirteen, and science has never been my best subject, but the parts of this paper I was able to understand are completely true. The writer mentions that we use our phones at a table full of friends because we’re so obsessed with our mobile devices that we can’t help but check them all the time. That may be true for grown-ups and college students, which was the age group this article focused on, but I know that for me, it’s a bit different. I, personally, am a bit an awkward person. I tried to avoid admitting that, but I think my friends and family can all agree that that’s true. When there are gaps in a conversation, the easiest thing to do to avoid awkwardness is to take out my phone and show my friend(s) something funny on it to create conversation. And I know as I’m writing this that my mom will probably get mad at me when I read that fact to her, but I’m sorry, it’s true! Like Rebel Wilson said in Pitch Perfect, “I guess I’m not really living if I’m not 100% honest.” J

            All right, enough about the article. My essay, my opinion! To the people my mother might send this to, my mother, if you may not know, is the biggest phone police ever. I mean I had to write a persuasive essay to get a Snapchat. And I know she’s just looking out for me, but we can all admit she’s a bit crazy when it comes to this stuff. In the middle of sixth grade, my mom gave me the privilege of creating an Instagram account for myself. If I was on it in the morning, she got mad. If I was on it in the car, she got mad. If I was on it after school, she was totally fine with it! Just kidding, you can guess how she felt about it. After a few years with social media, having recently added Snapchat and Pinterest to my phone, I get her point. She was trying to prevent me from becoming one of the people my generation has become. It’s time to face the facts: we are addicted to our phones. You might not think it’s bad, but trust me, you’re going to grow up and then get to high school and college not knowing how to verbally/physically connect to people. My mom thinks I have it bad, but I know people who have it a lot worse.

So get ready, parents. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but try shutting off all screens at 9:00 tonight. All you really need it for is your alarm in the morning. And what is that alarm set for? Certainly not to check your Instagram feed. That loud, annoying beeping sound that wakes you up in the morning is there to get you up for school, where you can get an education you can’t learn from Facebook or Twitter. Trust me, it’s going to be hard, but I promise you, you can live and thrive without your phone. Unplug! And don’t hesitate to tell your community about it too! We can all join in to help create a better tomorrow.

Some great insights for all of us! What is the answer to all of this connectivity? BALANCE and CONVERSATION. MS_16_Retreat_HR098Balance is a word you hear often around The Willows. We are a balanced, progressive school. Tradition is balanced with innovation. Academics, the arts, athletics, and social emotional development are balanced in our educational program.

Conversation is also extremely important and valued at The Willows, and is also at the very heart of technology and collaboration. Middle SchoolQuestioning, deep critical thinking, and creative inquiry, and sharing this as a group, is accentuated in all our classrooms. Walk through our hallways and glance in any classroom and you will see that conversation is thriving and technology is integrated effectively and appropriately.

The balance of technology and personal interaction is a key to the issue of connectivity. As our eighth grade student Joby so beautifully put it: Unplug! And don’t hesitate to tell your community about it too! We can all join in to help create a better tomorrow.